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Archive for the ‘Deployment’ Category

OPSEC Nazi? Really?

12 Oct

I do not like it when people post specific information about their husbands online. It really, really irritates me. Recently, I saw a girl post the exact number of days until her husband returned home from Afghanistan on a Marine wives support page. I didn’t run and go tell her command or bitch her out; no, all I did was leave a comment saying “OPSEC” to remind her that hey, specifics like that are not a good idea. I got jumped all over for being an OPSEC Nazi. Um, excuse me? I wasn’t being rude, I didn’t castigate her for being stupid or thoughtless. It was a one word comment. When you say something like, “OMG my husband is coming home from Trashcanistan in 76 days!!”, well, that’s violating OPSEC. Know why? Because people can count. You’ve just told everyone when your husband is coming home, and thereby told everyone when his unit is returning as well. And that “everyone” could potentially include terrorists and Taliban. It may be Afghanistan but guess what? They’ve got computers, too.

As far as I’m concerned, you can never be too careful about OPSEC. If I’m even a little bit unsure about whether or not its an OPSEC violation, then I don’t say anything. Why? Because I value my husband’s life, and the lives of the Marines that he deploys with. There are some wives that apparently do not feel the same way. Case in point: Matt’s last deployment. This was mostly moms of our Marines and not wives, but good Lord… there was violation after violation after violation. “So-and-so has been injured and is leaving Leatherneck at 0800 tomorrow to fly to Landstuhl.” “Just talked to my son so-and-so and they’re going to __________ first thing in the morning!” The worst was when a wife posted that one of our Marines had died before the family had been notified. I don’t know if they saw her Facebook post or not, but my blood was boiling over that one. The point is that it happened all the time, and was by and large fueled and encouraged by a group of embedded reporters we had with the unit — they actually posted GPS locations on a map of Marines they did interviews with or stories they published. They never interviewed my husband, but lets say they did. They would have published his name, his rank, his picture, and a location on a map of where he was. Um, hello???

Now, I do believe that there are two different kinds of OPSEC violators. The first one probably just doesn’t know any better, like the person I mentioned above. The second doesn’t care, and just thinks they’re above the rules. This is the group that the OPSEC violators from the last deployment fell under, as they got multiple warnings from command AND their Marines were disciplined for their violations. But they still kept doing it. They think that because they are civilians, they don’t have to follow the rules. Well, guess what? You do. This isn’t some game. This is war, and hacking through Facebook to get an idea of troop movements isn’t altogether difficult, especially when you’ve got wives putting dates online, or moms saying that their sons told them where they were going the next day.

I know no one likes the wife who points out OPSEC violations. I also know that no one likes to be wrong. But when it comes to the safety of our Marines, you can’t be too careful as far as I’m concerned, and it frankly pisses me off that a reminder to safeguard the information we have is oftentimes met with derision. I know that the phrase “Loose Lips Sink Ships” used to actually mean something. But time and time again today, I see family members freely sharing information they have about their Marines without even a second thought. Why do more wives not get upset about this? These are our husbands over there, it is not a safe place, and for God’s sake, they are fighting for us. We can’t even keep our mouths shut in return? No, apparently there are wives who feel that its OK to make the incredibly dangerous job they’re doing even more dangerous. And yet somehow, I’m the bad guy for politely pointing out the obvious. I don’t think so.

 
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Posted in Deployment, Marine Corps life, OPSEC

 

The Brood Keeps Growing and Growing

11 Oct

Well, this week the Chesser family got some big news: we’re expecting baby number two!

Now, Ben was planned. We decided that we wanted a baby, and I especially wanted one NOW. I knew Matt was about to deploy, and that if we got pregnant right away there was a very good chance he’d be home for the birth. We only had a month before he left to get pregnant, so we went to work and got it done. I was shocked, actually, that it was able to happen for us that quickly. But it did, and Matt was miraculously home for the birth.

This time? Yeah, not so much planned. I’ve been getting baby fever for a few months now, so I’ve definitely wanted another one. And I also want my kids to be close together in age. My brother and I were only 21 months apart, and I remember how great that was for us. I want my kids to have those same wonderful experiences. But I didn’t want to go through another pregnancy all alone and stressing about whether or not he would make it home in time. So the plan was to get pregnant as soon as he got home, in the hopes that he’d be there for the entire pregnancy and the birth.

Well, we did what married people do, and the particular day I conceived, I knew that I was pregnant. Don’t ask me how, but I just did. As soon as we were done I looked at Matt and said, “Well, we just made a baby.” I also immediately thought it was a girl — I knew deep down with Ben that it was a boy, as much as I hoped otherwise — but we’ll have to wait and see on that front. Anyway, a few days later he told me he thought I was pregnant, too, because I had that glow. Two weeks and a pregnancy test later, and bingo, I was right. I am officially knocked up.

I have to say, I am thrilled to be adding to our family. I can’t even tell you how excited and happy I am to have another little one. I want a big family, so this is absolutely a good thing. There’s only one downside: Matt will not be here for the birth. He’s deploying again (I obviously can’t say when), and there is no doubt about this one. He won’t be here. No ifs, ands, or buts. I don’t mind so much for myself… while of course I’d rather him be there, I’ll have my family and my friends to help me get through it. I feel bad for him though. I know how much it killed him last deployment, thinking of missing the birth of his child. He told me over and over again how worried he was about missing it. And now he will miss one. Its not all negatives, of course. The homecoming will be just so incredibly emotional and amazing, and we’ll be able to Skype in the delivery room while I’m in labor. But it’ll be a moment that he’ll miss, and never be able to get back.

On my end, what I worry about is how I’m going to manage a toddler and a newborn, all by myself. I spent so many nights crying with Ben, because he just would not sleep unless he was being held. He screamed in his bassinet, and we got him to sleep for a little while in his car seat at night. But for a guaranteed good bout of sleep, he had to be held. I’m just praying that this next one will sleep on their own. I don’t expect sleeping through the night or anything, just please dear God, sleep in your bassinet and take naps during the day. That’s all I’m asking for. It’ll probably be a rough first couple of months, but on the upside, it will definitely mean the time will fly, and Matt will be home before we all know it, meeting his new little one and reuniting with his son, who will be walking and talking by then. I know it will be hard, but I also know that I can handle it. Shoot, what other choice do I have but to handle it? I’m a Marine wife. I’ve got to do my husband proud.

 
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Posted in Deployment, Marine Corps life

 

And Now The Doubt

27 Sep

The doubt is starting to set in. It has only been about a week since Matt has been gone, and it has been easy and hard at the same time. Ben definitely makes it easier, for one. The time is going by much faster, and I’m busier as well. And Matt gets to come home for a few minutes a couple times a week — he is taking an EMT course two days a week, and they’re letting him leave the field to go to the course. I only see him for the few minutes it takes for him to come home and change, but its more than virtually every other wife in our battalion.

Even with those few minutes though, its still hard. I feel guilty for even saying that when no one else gets to see their husband, but it is. I miss him so much. Those few minutes I get are wonderful, but the time without him is awful. I want nothing more than to be able to kiss him, or sleep in the bed next to him. And then I start to wonder how the hell I’m going to make it through this next deployment if I’m struggling through a field op that’s less than a month long.

The dirty little secret that I don’t like to admit is that I’m scared. Terrified, actually. When I stop and think about it, I realize that its something that wives never really mention unless they’re having a low day. Its like if you say out loud, I’m scared that my husband is going to die, it might come true. But its the truth. I am scared. Every now and then, this awful thought comes to mind and it isn’t for any reason in particular, but I worry: what if he doesn’t come home? You always tell yourself that it won’t happen, not to you and not to your husband, but there is always that chance that it could. And then those thoughts take over… what if, what if, what if. What if I get that knock on my door, what if I’ll never see him again, what if Ben never knows his daddy? It can drive you crazy, so you don’t say it out loud. But its the truth. I’m scared. I know in all likelihood everything will be fine, but I can’t be superwoman, and I can’t permanently make the doubt go away. Its hard, it really is. I feel like I am so prepared and ready for this deployment, but every now and then, I can’t help it. The doubt and the fear and the anxiety take over.

 
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Posted in Deployment, Marine Corps life

 

Last Day

17 Sep

The last day is always an odd one. It’s bittersweet. You wake up sad because it’s your last day together, but you don’t want to ruin it by being miserable all day. You go about your daily business, and for a lot of the day, you’re happy together. You’re in a good mood, you’re smiling, you’re laughing. And then every now and then, that sinking realization hits you that tomorrow, he’s leaving. You push it to the back of your mind and try to reassure yourself that you’ve got all day together. But then you lay in bed together, and you can’t escape it anymore.

Today is our last day. Matt isn’t deploying, it’s just a few weeks, but I’m still a little melancholy. It’s his first time being away from the baby, and his first time not being home since he’s returned from Afghanistan. It’s going to be a normal day. I’m made breakfast while he was PTing. We went to the commissary to get groceries, I made some baby food, and he mowed the lawn. The Florida game is coming on soon, and they’re playing Tennessee, so of course we don’t want to miss that one (go Gators!). And I’m making Jagerschnitzel and spaetzle tonight in honor of Oktoberfest. It’s a very, very normal, ordinary day.

Every now and then, though, one of us will get a little upset. I noticed Matt looking a little misty-eyed earlier. He was feeding the baby, and Ben was falling asleep in his arms. Matt was looking into his beautiful little face and I could see the emotion on his face. I’m only going to be missing my husband — he’s missing not only his wife, but his son as well. It’s so much harder for him than it is for me, and I wish there was something I could do to ease the separation for him.

It’s only a few weeks. But it’s still time apart, and maybe I should be used to it by now. But let’s be honest: does anyone really get to the point where being separated from their spouse no longer bothers them? I know the time will go by quickly, I’m not upset that he has to go because I understand why. But I’m still sad about it, and my heart still hurts to see the pain in his eyes at the thought of being separated from his son for the first time. We’re used to being separated, but that doesn’t make it any better or easier. We don’t just shrug it off, like, “Oh, my husband’s going to be gone for three weeks? Eh, no big deal.” It’s always a big deal, no matter how often it happens. He’s my husband. I want him here. And I hate that he has to miss time with his son. I can’t imagine it being any easier.

It’s the last day we have for several weeks, and right now Ben is asleep in his crib. Matt is sitting down to relax for a bit before he goes to pack. It’s a normal day. If only I could make the time slow down. If only, if only, if only…

 
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Posted in Deployment, Marine Corps life

 

Already?

13 Sep

It’s getting to be fall already. I can’t believe it’s already halfway through September. My baby is almost six months old — it’s been half a year since I had him. It’s time to start getting ready for Halloween and making holiday preparations. For us, the holidays are still up in the air, considering that I have no clue whether or not Matt will be home for Christmas (thanks, Marine Corps). I have plans for how to handle it either way, but it would be nice to at least know.

Matt told me last night that he thinks he’s going to be leaving advon again for this deployment. I can’t say I’m entirely surprised — for the last deployment, he left advon for not only the deployment, but for every single work-up as well. And he didn’t come home advon for any of them. I had a feeling this was going to happen again, but at least this time I won’t be pregnant over the deployment (I hope, anyways), and we won’t have a deadline for him to get home by. It really did suck to have him gone almost two months longer than everyone else was, though. I hope that doesn’t happen again. The most frustrating part, though, is that I’ve been told that the advon guys will only have around nine days of predeployment leave. That’s not anything that I know for sure, but if it is the case, then I am not a happy camper. It’s not because I’m being robbed of anything, but because my husband is. He’s going to be going to Afghanistan to fight a war — regardless of when he leaves, he deserves a decent amount of leave before he goes. All Marines do.

And since we’re having to deal with planning for a deployment, that means work-ups are starting soon. Matt’s leaving to be in the field shortly, and he’ll be gone for a little while. And this is how it will be until his unit deploys. I’ve known that this deployment was coming since before he even came home from Afghanistan (how’s that for catching your breath?), but I haven’t really been thinking about it. I made some mental preparations earlier this year, I figured out what I was going to do during the deployment to get Ben through it and to get myself and Matt through it, and then I let it go. I feel prepared and ready but… man, how did it get here so fast? It’s still quite a ways away, but at the same time, here we are, getting ready. It’s far away and right around the corner at the same time.

I just feel resigned. Maybe it makes me a bad wife, but I just want to get it over with already.

Meanwhile, I’ve got all these plans to make. It’s Ben’s first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And sure, he’s just a baby, but I want to make them special and amazing. I’ve already got his Halloween costume picked out (the cutest little lion costume ever), and I’m excited to get the house decorated for Halloween. I’m trying to decide if I want to have Matt put up the Christmas lights before he leaves, because God knows I don’t know how to do it. He won’t be here for Thanksgiving, so the plan is to have it before he leaves. I’m pretty sure my family won’t be coming up here, so we’ll probably just have our Marine Corps family come over. I mainly want an excuse to make a ton of Thanksgiving food, because let’s face it, there’s really no sense in making a whole Thanksgiving feast for just two people.

And then… Christmas. If he won’t be here for Christmas, then we’ll just celebrate that early, too, but I’m still a little sad that he’ll be missing Ben’s first Christmas. He’ll also be missing Ben’s first birthday, our two-year anniversary, my birthday… he’ll be missing a lot this time. Last deployment he didn’t miss much (well, unless you count my entire pregnancy). It makes me sad, not so much for myself, but for Ben and for Matt. I’m sad especially for Matt. I know he hates that he has to miss so much. When he gets that low, I do my best to try to remind him of what he’s fighting for, and that he’s doing it for us. I have to be his motivation, so I can’t let myself get dragged down. I have to be strong for all of us.

In the good news department, after Matt leaves to go in the field, I’ve arranged for Ben and I to get some pictures done at a local park. I’m going to make a scrapbook over the next few months — a small scrapbook — that will be laminated and everything so that he can take it with him when he deploys. He’ll be able to carry his family with him. I hope he’ll like it.

I still can’t believe that all of this has crept up on me so suddenly. How are we dealing with another deployment already?

 
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Posted in Deployment, Marine Corps life