But apparently I do. Our unit recently started an official Facebook page. It’s a smart move, if handled well. Social media is growing and becoming more powerful, and it’s a great venue to distribute information and get families together. I have no complaint about the unit page in and of itself.
But. Recently, we have had several wives posting complaints about the unit on the page. (Keep in mind, this page is monitored by the unit command.) One girl was complaining that the ball was too expensive and that it was mandatory, and that the unit should think about reality before having such a “lavished” event in a “nice” setting. I guess in the future we should just have horrible balls in dingy little rooms, because some people might not be able to save up $80 over the course of seven pay periods. (Also, the ball is only mandatory for Marines, who don’t have to pay if all they’re attending is the ceremony, and transportation is provided. But I digress.)
Specifically, this is what was said:
I don’t know who’s incharge of everything that deals with the ball, but I just want to let you know that I feel it is so wrong to make the ball Mandatory. We all know that with certain ranks and what not, not all of us can afford to go to this event. Bills and the care for our children come first. It is not a lie that you see many families within the Marine Corp live pay check to pay check and so to make them spend extra money on something that was made mandatory because somebody wanted somewhere “nice” to host event is wrong.
They did not take into consideration that not everyone has a decent budget. I am speaking on behalf of those that won’t speak up about this and for many who I have heard that has a problem with this. I have to say I am very disappointed in the way this was taken care of. We have a deployment we are all preparing for, bills that need paid, food put on the table . So before we decide to have lavished events like this ever again, please consider the other picture before you agree to something. Of course we would all love to celebrate the birthday of this great military branch, but the other aspect is reality. And reality says that with a government budget, we all can not do so.
I think I had steam coming out of my ears reading that. So, according to this girl, we should never have Marine Corps balls again to honor the Marine Corps birthday, a tradition going back for almost one hundred years. She later commented that she knew that this wasn’t mandatory for all spouses and that Marines wouldn’t necessarily have to pay, but that she was just “speaking out for everyone who didn’t know”. Right. And this was the appropriate forum to do so, not by going through the proper chain of command with a legitimate complaint — legitimate meaning, non-petty.
And then I see yet another girl has posted a complaint.
I just want to say that I am very disappointed. My husbands Uncle which I know is not imediate family normally is in the hospital with little to no chance of livig through the night. Both of my husbands parents are deceased so this pretty much is his imediate family and the command will not let him take leave to go and see his uncle. I am outraged by this so next time your imediate family has an emergency don’t count on the commad letting you take leave.
Do I understand this girl’s frustration? Sure. But I also understand that this Marine’s uncle is not immediate family, and that we have a deployment to train for. It’s unfortunate and it’s sad, but it’s the way it is. And regardless, it doesn’t matter. What is she doing posting about it on the unit Facebook page??
These girls aren’t posting their complaints on their own personal pages. They’re doing it on the unit page, which is monitored. These comments will be seen by every family member who has liked that page (413 currently), not to mention the Marines in the unit who monitor the page — and this page is monitored. Do they have no regard for their husbands? I would never, ever disrespect my husband by saying anything like that on an official unit forum. Whatever your complaints are, there is an appropriate way to express those complaints to the chain of command. Posting it on Facebook for everyone to see is not only immature and unprofessional, but it could potentially get your husband in trouble. They’re not just posting complaints. They’re actually insulting the unit. I just am in shock that anyone would do something like that. What could you possibly be thinking?? If you cared at all about your husband’s career, why would you be so stupid as to insult his unit — thereby insulting his chain of command — on an official, public unit forum for everyone to see? Matt would chew my ass out so fast I wouldn’t know what happened to me. I would be dead if I ever humiliated him like that.
The unit has been kind enough to leave the page open. And these women are abusing that privilege. If they keep it up, the page will be taken down altogether, and the unit will be losing a valuable tool. I cannot believe it even needs to be said, because to me this seems like common freaking sense. But if you have a complaint about the unit, go through the appropriate chain of command. Do NOT post about it on ANY official unit forum, and for God’s sake, no matter how you express your complaint, do NOT insult his chain of command! Come on ladies. It’s not that difficult.
janey
September 26, 2011 at 6:37 pm
That seems to be what people do nowadays… they go to complain on Facebook. Never fails, unfortunately. It’s difficult to moderate sometimes too. :/
Misty
November 14, 2011 at 11:13 pm
And I think it is a shame that you would even write about them…they are supposed to be your Marine “sisters” and you are supposed to be helping them through these times. Many of the wives are young and do not understand all the effects that their words have on their Marines. They definitely do not need to be talked about , I would say behind closed doors, but obviously these posts are public. I am sure everyone has their opinions, but the wife that complained about the expenses, her husband put most of the ball together….so, yea she definitely has a right to complain….and I just about totally agree with her. The ball could have been held in a place that did not cost so much and the tickets are ridiculous, not only for our Btn, but for them all. Even if we are military, we still cannot afford all the “black tie events” that are held and be expected to attend them. I am sure if the wives were all told about how things that are said are dealt with, they would try to do better….so I do not think that you should judge them, especially on the internet publicly. I think that if you have a problem with the comments, then you should have taken them off the official page and not made anymore comments on your own public blogs for everyone else to read. I am sure though when you see these girls, you do act like a friend………..which gives the “appearance” most military wives show……..
cassy
November 15, 2011 at 3:42 am
First, if you read my blog on a regular basis, you would know that I think that the whole “sisterhood of Marine wives” thing is a load of crap.
Second, obviously I’m not making their private posts public, considering they already posted them on a much more public forum than my blog. And if her husband is the one who put the ball together, then as far as I can tell, that’s even more of a reason to keep your mouth shut. It makes the humiliation of her husband that much worse. As far as expenses, let me break it down for you again, since apparently you didn’t get it either. We do not have “all the black tie events”. We have one. One, every single year, and for this one event, we were given seven pay periods — that’s SEVEN — to plan and budget accordingly. Somehow we, with my husband as an E4, and a mortgage, two car payments, a baby and another one on the way, were able to miraculously afford not only ball tickets, but a dress and a hotel room for the night. It is not that difficult to do. It’s called budgeting. If a family can’t budget with that much time in advance, it’s their problem, not the unit’s. Why should the unit NOT honor the birthday properly? Because some people can’t handle their money? That makes no sense whatsoever. This was the best ball I have ever attended. The unit did a fantastic job, and here they’ve got some wife giving them shit because they have it in a nice place (as they should) and some people can’t handle their money. And anyways, if they really couldn’t afford it, then they don’t have to pay for it. It is only mandatory for Marines, and if they only attend the ceremony, then they don’t have to pay. And transportation was provided for said Marines, so really, no one had to pay a dime. But hey, that doesn’t matter. Why let facts get in the way when you’re trashing the unit?
As for judging them on the internet publicly, again — they opened themselves up to this by posting their remarks on a public forum. If I had heard that they had, say, told the FRO about these complaints, I wouldn’t have posted about it. But they didn’t handle it privately and appropriately, they did it on the official unit page, which is monitored by the command. And this, by the way, is why I personally couldn’t have taken them off the official page. Why that was even brought up, I have no idea (like I personally have control over what does or doesn’t stay on the page), but let me reiterate. I am not personally responsible for that page. The people responsible for that page are the battalion command. As in, the battalion CO, and XO, and Sgt. Maj. Which is again why it is so humiliating to these women’s husbands for their wives to post such insulting things about the unit on the official unit page. They just trashed the unit to the unit command. And when the command sees those last names, who are they going to be thinking of? Who are they going to look down upon now? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not the wives. And if these girls were so concerned about what they said being made public on my or any blog — which, trust me, has far fewer people reading it than there are people reading the unit page — then perhaps they shouldn’t have made those comments publicly to begin with. Which was the entire point of this post. Don’t say stuff like this online on an official unit forum. Had they not, this post wouldn’t have existed. Believe me, plenty of people — wives included — noticed those posts long before I wrote about it. And not one person I spoke to agreed with them. Every single wife I talked to (and no, I did not bring it up every time, it was a topic of conversation when it happened and everyone was talking about it) couldn’t believe that these things were being posted. They made themselves look horrible, and their husbands as well, in front of everyone in the unit. If they’re upset and angry that I posted this on my blog, without even listing their names, then they need to get some perspective. I didn’t humiliate them on the internet. They did that themselves.
And as for me acting like a friend, I’m not friends with either of these girls. I don’t even remember the name of the second girl. However, if I saw them, of course I would be nice. In your world, if you don’t agree with one thing someone does, does that mean that suddenly you hate those people and are going to be a bitch to them forever? I don’t know, but that isn’t how it works in my world. (But then, in my world I also wouldn’t insult my husband’s command on a unit forum, or defend someone that did, but that’s neither here nor there.) I don’t have anything personally against either of these girls, so of course I would be nice to them. I don’t think they’re bad people. Am I supposed to run around being a bitch to every single person that I disagree with over something? That makes no sense. And believe me, if I was friends with either of these girls, then no, this blog post wouldn’t have existed. I would have said it to their face.